Parents

What Parents Can Do

    Parents are an essential element in the school's effort to create a safe and orderly learning environment. Parents can do the following to help stop bullying:

  • Set standards of behavior, limits, and clear expectations for your child, in and out of school.
  • Provide a secure attachment for your child. Make sure they know you support them and are there for them.
  • Be as positive as possible with your child. The goal for parents is to provide five positive comments for every negative one directed at a child.
  • Monitor your own behavior and aggression. Demonstrate behavior at home between adults that is not bullying or aggression. Children copy parents' behaviors- good or bad.
  • Provide appropriate models of conflict resolution. 
  • Exhibit behavior that show you are trying to understand how the other person feels.
  • Offer suggestions and advise for dealing with problematic peers.
  • Encourage children who are bystanders to bullying to act appropriately.
  • Be concerned and responsive regardless of whether your child is the reported bully or the target. Offer support but do not encourage dependence.
  • Become involved with child's school life by reviewing homework, meeting teachers, reading with your child (for younger children), and attending school functions.
  • Explain the different between and assertive (self-confident, firm) and an aggressive (violent, hostile) response.
  • Share stories about your own childhood experiences with bullying.

For the Child Being Bullied

   Parents' behaviors will differ depending on whether the child is being bullied or is bullying. Children who are bullied tend to be scared and fragile and should never be blamed for the incident. All children deserved to be treated with respect and courtesy. If a child has been a victim of a bully, parents should follow these guidelines:

  • Find out in detail what happened. Listen to the child and do not interrupt until he/she is done.
  • Contact the child's teacher(s), school counselor, and school administrator to alert them to the incident and ask for their cooperation.
  • Avoid blaming anyone, especially the victim.
  • Do not encourage the child to strike back or be aggressive at anytime.
  • Discuss assertive alternatives to respond to the bully and role-play responses with the child.
  • Be prepared to contact an attorney if the bullying continues and the school does not take the appropriate action for the child.
  • Encourage the school to work collaboratively with you and others to take bullying seriously and investigate the facts.
  • Keep a log book (with the child if possible) describing the bullying, when they occurred, who took part, and what was said and done. This can strengthen a parent's case when contacting the school principal and/or teachers.
  • Be patient. It often takes time for someone to change negative behaviors and interactions.

For the Child Who Bullies

    Parents of children who bully must work closely with the school to resolve the situation. While it is difficult for most parents to hear something negative about their child's behavior, it is very important in a bullying situation for the parents to act immediately. Children who are aggressive towards their peers are at high risk for other antisocial behaviors such as criminality and misuse of alcohol, tobacco, and illegal drugs. Steps the parents can take include the following actions:

  • Find out in detail why your child is bullying.
  • Listen. It is difficult to listen to criticism of your child, but remember, the child's well-being is at stake.
  • Spend more time getting to know your child's friends and what he/she doe with them. Children need to feel that their parents listen to them.
  • Do not blame others for your child's behavior.
  • Point out that bullying behavior is not acceptable in the family.
  • Specify the consequences if the bullying persists.
  • Teach and role-play appropriate behavior.
  • Follow up with the teachers and administration and track improvements.
  • Try to channel the aggressive behavior toward something positive, such as sports, where teammates need to play by the rules. Explore other talents the child may have and help him/her develop them.

References

    Batsche, G., & Moore, B. (n.d.). Bullying fact sheet. In Behavior interventions: Creating a safe environment in our schools (pp.14-16)     
        Bethesda, MD: National Association of School Psychologists.                                                                                                                         
    Fried, S., & Fried, P. (2003). Bullies, targets, and witnesses: Helping children break the pain chain. New York: M. Evans and    Company.
    Goodman, R. F.(2003, September). Bullies: More than sticks, stones, and name calling.     http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour/articles/bullies.html
    Mayer, G. R., Ybarra, W. J. & Fogliatti, H. (2001) Addressing bullying in schools.
http://www.lacoe.edu/lacoeweb/orgs/158/index.cfn
    U.S. Department of Education. (1998) Preventing bullying: A manual for schools and communities.